Silence and Solitude
I remember when my babies were tiny humans - they so often fought sleep. They ran around like crazy or screamed at the top of their lungs to keep themselves awake. We would rock and sway and sing and finally, they would get still and quiet, — and the second they realized it, they’d start wiggling again. It drove me nuts sometimes - especially when I was so tired that I could have slept with them.
When we were kids, naps and early bedtimes were the worst. It felt like punishment to be sent to bed. I personally didn’t want to miss anything. Now I want to be sent to bed early! Please, punish me!! Sleep feels like a reward at the end of a long day.
But it is harder when I need to truly rest (& not just sleep.) Somehow I feel like I can’t afford to stop and give my body the rest it needs. The world might cave in if I am not on top of things 24/7. Truthfully, I have pushed myself so hard in the past that my body started to give out in ways I didn’t understand. I started getting sick often & having chronic pain. My mind and soul felt so weary that I didn’t know how I could keep going.
At that point, I didn’t have a choice to do anything else - I had to learn to rest to allow my body and mind and soul to restore and heal.
God created us for a rhythm and we need to learn how to dance within it.
In the end of Mark chapter 6, the disciples have just come back together. Earlier in chapter 6, Jesus commissioned them and gave them the authority to cast out demons, preach the gospel, and heal the sick. These were exciting times and they were also full of spiritual exertion and emotional complexity.
But they have also just lost John the Baptist in a devastating and traumatic way. Now these same disciples who had been flush-faced with ministry success had to go and bring back John’s broken and beheaded body and bury it. Can you imagine the emotional toll that it took to care for the body of the man who had proclaimed the gospel so powerfully? In the middle of exhilarating ministry and deep personal grief, we find our band of disciples crowding around Jesus. They are sharing all they had seen and done and taught, and Mark tells us there are others there too, so many and so needy that the disciples and Jesus don’t even have time to eat. Jesus intervenes by inviting the disciples to join him in a quiet retreat so they can rest awhile.
Jesus and the disciples hop in a boat to sail away to that lonely quiet retreat. But the rest they seek is not happening. The crowds saw Jesus and the twelve going away. It was about four miles across from where Jesus and his friends set sail. It was 10 miles round the top of the lake on foot. If the wind was uncooperative, a person (or crowd of people) walking quickly could be there before the boat even arrived. That is precisely what happened, so that when the boat landed on shore, the crowd they were trying to escape was waiting on them.
Now, I’ll be honest: I would be annoyed. I am an introvert and when I get overwhelmed and don’t get the rest I need, I can be cranky. But Mark tells us that Jesus felt compassion for them, seeing them as sheep without a shepherd. And so Jesus taught them. Late that afternoon, the disciples, who hadn’t had their naps yet, were getting cranky themselves. They saw the issue coming - the Taco Bell was closed and the crowds had not had dinner yet. So they urge Jesus to send them home. And Jesus tells the cranky disciples - you feed them. And what happens next is the miracle that we often call the feeding of the 5000. That was 5000 men, by the way. Women and children weren’t counted, so we can be sure this crowd was much larger than even 5000.
After the hunger had been satisfied and the leftovers had been put away, Jesus went ahead and sent the disciples away by boat. The rest they so desperately needed was still top of Jesus mind. So Jesus dismissed the crowds and went alone to pray before joining the disciples on the lake (literally walking across the water to meet them by the way.)
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed or not, but the gospels tell us that Jesus often goes away to be alone and pray. During busy times, during times of ministry intensity, during his own personal times of grief, Jesus goes away - often into nature - to pray and be alone with God.
What do you think is behind Jesus’ insistence and intentionality behind leading his disciples to rest? I think Jesus knows how fragile our bodies are, and how even our most well-intentioned, passionate work can drain us and burden us when we don’t take time for rest.
Jesus understands and seeks to guide his disciples, and us, into a rhythm of solitude, community, and ministry and then solitude again. So, what do we do with all of that solitude and silence, and why does it matter?
The Bible is full of admonitions to rest in God.
Psalm 62:5 says, “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone, for my hope is from God”
Habakkuk 2:20 says, “But the Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him.”
Psalm 46:10 says, “ Be still and know that I am God.”
In Exodus 14, when the Israelites are quite literally caught between the Egyptian army and the Red Sea, Moses responds to them, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”
And when Elijah is overwhelmed and emotionally and spiritually exhausted after his showdown with the prophets of Baal, he flees to the desert and God meets him and nourishes him with food and water while he rests there. He experiences God in a still small voice - a gentle whisper.
It is when we quiet the noise around and within us that we can hear the still, small voice of God.
Breath prayers are short, simple, one-sentence prayers that lead us into solitude and silence and are said to the rhythm of our breath. They remind us that each breath is given to us by a God who loves us and is nearer to us than our own breath.
Many people use the cry we heard from Bartimaeus last week in a breath prayer. “Son of God, have mercy on me.” Breathe in deeply and say in your mind “Son of God” and as you breath out, silently say “have mercy on me.”
Breathe in Son of God - breathe out have mercy on me.
It’s also easy create your own breath prayer. Choose the name of God that you need most in this moment. Perhaps it is Father or Mother, Jesus or Spirit or Abba (Daddy) or Healer, Creator or God-my-Wisdom. Choose whatever name of God feels most connected for you, and say it to yourself as you inhale. Then as you exhale, tell God what you need or want in this moment. Hold me Close. Or Heal my loved one. Or Give me strength. Just like we did last week, speak your longing face to face with the One Who Loves You. Repeat this naming/calling God on your in-breath and stating your longing on the out-breath. This is how to personally “pray without ceasing” all day long. An intimate reminder that God is as close and present to you as your own breath.
When I sit in solitude and silence - when I use my breath to connect to God, God restores my heart, re-centers my scattered mind, and nourishes my soul. I can go back into my world and interact from a place of fullness and union rather than from a place of lack and need.
Finding a rhythm of silence and solitude is a rebellious response to our cultural quest for more and bigger and busier. This has been such a life-giving, restorative practice for me. I encourage you to intentionally look for cracks of silence and stillness this week. Call on God and speak your longing in Your Creator’s presence, and hear God speak to you there.
Love and Grace, my friends,
Renae
