What Do You Want?

Did you ever mail a letter to Santa or write a birthday wish list? As a child, it seemed so easy - and even fun -to ask for what we most wanted. Somewhere along the way though, naming our desires became more complicated. If I asked you today, “what do you want?” What would your answer be?

What if I asked you what your deepest longing is - would that answer be different? Our longings seem even more nuanced and intangible and difficult to name than our wants somehow. And yet, Jesus had an uncanny habit of asking this very question of the people around him.

I was studying the story of blind Bartimaeus for my sermon this past week. What I learned was beautiful. Let me share the story with you.

Bartimaeus was sitting, begging actually, by the roadside when a crowd of people came tramping past him.

Amid the noise and chaos of the crowds, Bartimaeus heard that it was Jesus who was traveling by. Perhaps he had heard stories from people passing through Jericho of a rabbi who was unlike any other - one who came close to the broken and the sinner - one who cared for the poor and needy. He may have even heard rumors that Jesus had healed another blind man on the other side of Jericho.

Blind Bartimaeus heard and something stirred in him - a wild abandon that he couldn’t suppress. His was not a vague wish - his was a desperate desire for the person who could meet his deepest need.

And so with no thought of what anyone would think, Bartimaeus began to shout: “Jesus, Son of David, show me mercy!”

And the crowd was embarrassed and annoyed by him, and perhaps even embarrassed for this dirty beggar hanging around the side of the road - this beggar who seemed less than human and who had no right to demand attention, especially from a rabbi as important as Jesus. They shushed him and reminded him of his place.

But this was maybe his only chance to escape his darkness and the crowd’s shushes only made Bartimaeus yell louder: “Jesus, Son of David, show me mercy!” 

His loud and persistent cry to be heard caused such a scene that the procession stopped. Jesus called for Bartimaeus to be brought to him, and the crowd, more gently now, told him to be encouraged because Jesus wanted to see him.

Bartimaeus does not waste any time. He leaps up, throws off his cloak and leaves it behind. Throwing off his cloak is significant. This cloak is the most valuable thing he owned - his only source of shelter and warmth. It is the closest tie to any hope of survival. Because law abiding Jews wouldn’t touch him,  he would have spread his cloak on the ground in front of him to collect the coins that were tossed to him. When Bartimaeus throws aside the cloak and leaves it behind, it meant that he was choosing to trust Jesus to give him a better future.

And then Jesus does a curious thing. His response is what is so startling and beautiful to me. He asks Bartimaeus, “What do you want me to do for you?” 

I wonder of some of the people nearby think to themselves, “What a silly question! Of course, he wants…”  what? To not have to beg? To be reunited with a family who could take care of him? 

But Bartimaeus knows exactly what he wants - “Teacher, I want to see.”

And Jesus simply says, “Go, your faith has healed you.”

Your faith has healed you. 

At once he was able to see, and he began to follow Jesus on the way. Bartimaeus joins the crowd walking with and listening to Jesus, and he follows him into the city. He may have been a beggar by the roadside, but now he is a man of faith and gratitude and loyalty - a man who named his deepest desire before Jesus and received healing. 

When was the last time you felt your deepest longing? I confess I am often hesitant to look at my own longing. It feels vulnerable and scary. I have been told too many times by society, by religion, and by my own inner critic that my desires are bad or selfish or a Pandora’s box full of evils that will explode if I open it.

But if Jesus asked the question, then what we want - what we truly long for - must matter. 

I believe Jesus asked the question “what do you want me to do for you?” to help us see and own our longing for God. Our longing for love, for growth and transformation, is the truest thing about us.

The stirring of spiritual desire shows us that God’s Spirit is already working in us. It is part of God’s prevenient grace. It is evidence that God’s steadfast love and creation goodness are pursuing us. 

So lately, I’ve been practicing naming what I want & what I long for in the presence of Jesus. When was the last time you felt a longing for a deeper intimacy with God - to be transformed and healed by God’s love? Don’t rush past this. It may be the most important question you ask yourself.